This New Year’s Eve, my hubby and I found ourselves in a Sacramento hotel, oblivious of the count down, utterly exhausted from packing + preparing our AZ house for it’s next phase in life and driving the biggest uhaul available (+ pull behind trailer) across the country; filled to the brim with our ‘treasures’ to be placed in yet another storage unit where one day, I will unpack them and likely question my sanity, or lack thereof, in my current definition of ‘treasures’.
2017 was not the year of ‘answers’ that I had envisioned, but was rather a year of yet more questions that lead to an anxious feeling of groundlessness. A constant reaching for something to grab on to; tossing down anchor only to find that the waters were deeper than I imagined, and the boat was still drifting…drifting into the mysterious, good or bad, I did not know.
2017 was a year of learning to become comfortable in the space of not-knowing, a year to find calm in the ambiguous, a year where, in the depths of uncertainty, I found more of what I am certain about, and more of who I am and who I want to become as well as things I don’t want.
Admittedly, I did not always traverse this nebulous space with grace. (Hence, why ‘grace’ is one of my 2018 words!) There were times I barely had the strength to keep my body from melting into a puddle of tears from overwhelm. But thankfully there were more times where I stood before the mirror of amazement, seeing the reflection of a fatigued and wearied soul that summited the obstacles that stood before it. My past practice of gratitude bore fruit by showing me gifts of beauty and love that persevered in the chaos; keeping my ship from sinking.
Now, I open my book to the pages of 2018: blank, unelaborated, ready to be filled with questions, answers, moments of life, love and pain. As I step into the world of uncertainty, my feet dripping with the groundlessness of 2017, my soul filled with a new sense of calm in the space of not-knowing, and my heart braced but ready to embrace the lessons that will undoubtedly come my way, I am refreshed and ready. So…. Let’s BEGIN! Let’s rock this year out and see what unfolds!